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Discovering the Best Wine at the End
Reflections on the Third Age
Prot. N°
0000 0265/99
8 December 2000
Dear Confreres:
1. I greet each of you fraternally in Christ Jesus. The members of the
General Council join me in extending best wishes for abundant blessings in
the New Year. May the grace of our Lord Jesus Christ be with you all.
In the second communicanda of this General Council, I am ruined if I do not
preach the Gospel (14 January 1999), I expressed my intention to dedicate a
future letter to the question of the spiritual demands particular to the
"third age" (n. 41). This reflection is an attempt to fulfill that pledge.
2. Let me explain how I understand the term third age. If it is true that
the first age of a person's life is that of education and the second is
marked by production and one's life work, the third age is often used to
refer to that time in life when a person's primary work has ended. Although
I am thinking of you who have already begun to live the third age, I write
this message to every confrere in the Congregation. Regardless of age, as
Constitution 55 reminds us, we are all brothers in the same family and share
the same vocation: each of us is a missionary and we remain missionaries for
our entire lifetime. At each stage of our lives and in whatever
circumstances we find ourselves, we ought to seek to live our religious
consecration more intensely. Furthermore, to live in community and carry our
pastoral work through the community is an essential law for us (Constitution
21). This same Constitution tells us that community does not exist simply
where members merely cohabit but requires as well genuine sharing on the
human and spiritual level. We are meant to bring together in community our
strengths and weaknesses, our gifts and limitations for the sake of the
Mission or Charism that gives meaning to our lives. Each community, then,
should face the question of aging and its consequences for Redemptorist
missionaries.
Why should we think about this question?
3. Along with entire societies, the Congregation is facing a new reality:
the number of elderly confreres is increasing significantly. As I write to
you, among the 5,569 professed members in the Congregation, 520 are eighty
years old or older, while 948 are in their seventies. This means that 26% of
the Congregation is aged seventy or older. Even though we are still blessed
with many young members -- there are more professed Redemptorists in their
20's than in those aged 80 or more years, and more in the 30's than in their
70's - the Congregation has never had such a large group of elderly among
its members. This is a fact that none of us can ignore, for it presents us
with challenges that must be faced in order to mature together faithfully as
a community sent to preach and witness to the Good News of the Kingdom.
4. Redemptorists are not only living longer but many confreres reach the
seventh or eighth decades of life in much better health and vigor than in
the past. At the same time, there is also an increasing need to provide
medical care for Redemptorists who are seriously ill. Yet the deeper
challenge for older Redemptorists is not how to cope with health problems
but rather, how to live their religious consecration, particularly when they
are forced to limit or, at times, suspend their ordinary pastoral
activities. At this stage of life, redefining or reshaping one's concrete
identity as a missionary can threaten one's self esteem.
5. Cultures have different attitudes towards the aging and elderly. Some
revere their eldest members; the very fact of reaching a certain age endows
a person with a dignity that demands respect in the community. What concerns
me is an emerging world culture that idolizes youth, energy and flexibility
while neglecting or attempting to "hide" the elderly. This cultural
perspective causes so much anxiety that many people will do all in their
power to "remain" young. The aging and the elderly are encouraged to leave
the marketplace and the political forum and ought to be pacified or humored,
but certainly not taken seriously or challenged to continue to contribute to
their society. For men, especially, one's work and one's worth are so
closely related that when one is incapable of working, life seems to lose
all meaning. And, finally, the fact of death has become a taboo, never to be
discussed in polite company and certainly not a passage for which one should
consciously prepare.
The circumstances of the Congregation
6. We should recognize that the Congregation is certainly influenced by this
ambivalence towards aging. In some areas of the world the secular notion of
"retirement" strongly affects the lives of Redemptorists. It is taken for
granted that the duties of a confrere should be eased as he reaches a
certain age. In some cases, the elderly Redemptorist is not expected to
carry out serious responsibilities in the community, no matter what the
actual state of his physical and mental health. Some Redemptorists come to
view retirement as an acquired right and therefore, upon reaching a certain
age, they expect to be freed of duties in the community in order to pursue
their own interests. There are provinces in the developed world where the
receipt of pensions becomes a thorny problem when the confrere considers
this income as his personal property. At times the care for aged confreres
focuses almost entirely on health problems, neglecting the spiritual needs
specific to this stage of life.
7. As we visit the provinces, the other members of the General Council and I
are often edified by older confreres, who intensify their missionary
identity as the years pass, and who have the ability of sharing with others,
especially the young, the wisdom that they have acquired. Every year I
receive letters from our jubilarians: brother and priests who are
celebrating fifty or more years of life in the Congregation. These letters
glow with gratitude, humility and zeal. I am often moved to share their
testimony with the members of the General Government.
8. Unfortunately old age alone is not a guarantee of these sentiments.
During the visitations we also meet Redemptorists who are disappointed,
disillusioned, even bitter. More poignant still are the confreres who are
anguished because of the rapid changes they have experienced in the Church
and in our Institute. Some of these judge that the Congregation has been
unfaithful to its Charism and Mission in the Church and conclude that God
has withdrawn his favor from the Congregation.
9. These are some of the situations and concerns that lead me to write this
letter. I would like to offer some reflections from the perspective of the
last General Chapter, which urged us to consider spirituality as the lens
through which we view all aspects of our lives (Final Message, n. 5). My
purpose is to invite each of you to reflect as well on how we nourish and
express our relationship in faith with Jesus (Final Message, n. 3) as a
community in our later years and on the challenge of conversion in order to
follow Jesus more closely at any stage of our missionary life.
10. There are also personal reasons that motivate this letter. I had the
privilege and grace to have spent my first years in the Congregation with a
number of wonderful confreres in their third age. Their words and example
continue to influence me today. These Redemptorists shared with me their
secrets in preaching the Word, connected me with the history of my Province
and taught me to love the Congregation and to hope in its future. Most of
these have died and, I pray, are now savoring fully the sweetness of God.
With much gratitude, I dedicate this letter to all of those faithful
witnesses, hoping that these reflections will help me prepare to be a good
Redemptorist in my later years, when I too might help a young confrere at
the beginning of his own pilgrimage.
Life as pilgrimage
11. Pilgrimage is a sacred experience that is found in most great religions
and in many cultures. Interestingly, the notion of pilgrimage persists in
some societies where the rest of traditional religious expressions have been
swept away by secularizing influences. Perhaps this is so because the
pilgrimage is a sort of paradigm for how human beings experience life
itself. We sense or, at least, we hope that our lives are not to be
understood simply as products of a random collision of atoms, blind destiny
or biological urges. We sense that our lives began in a place and are going
somewhere. Just as pilgrims keep moving in the direction of an unseen
sanctuary, so we choose to find meaning in our life's journey by "walking"
towards a place or a Person that we often glimpse only "as reflections in a
mirror, mere riddles" (1 Cor. 13, 11).
12. The holiness of the pilgrimage is to be experienced not simply in
arriving at the desired goal. The vocation of a pilgrim is also lived each
day, each hour and each minute of the journey: in every step taken in faith.
As we walk the journey of life we are aware of a paradox: that we change
radically along the journey while we remain the same. That is, we can trace
important stages or identifiable segments through which we pass while the
core of our identity mysteriously remains unvarying. A common metaphor for
this paradox is that of a day, which has a morning, noon and an evening, all
of which are perceived distinctly yet fused in a single unit. Although
united, each phase of life has an autonomous value that should be
appreciated as such and not simply as the preparation for the next stage.
13. It sometimes happens that circumstances compel a person to proceed to
the next segment of life prematurely. Consider the heartbreak of children
who are obliged by poverty to assume adult responsibilities, such as the
burden of feeding their family or caring for a sick parent. We consider it a
tragedy when a human life ends prematurely, before a person has had the
chance to develop and truly "live". And it is possible to resist passage
from one stage to another in the journey, like the adult who wishes to
remain forever the adolescent. But such struggle is futile and frustrating,
since we are constantly confronted by evidence that, whether we like it or
not, we are in fact passing through different stages of life's journey. In
other words, we are reminded that we are aging.
14. An awareness of aging has influenced spiritual writers as diverse as
Paul the apostle and Pope John Paul II. Paul used the metaphor of human
growth or aging to describe progress in discipleship (e.g. 1 Cor. 3, 1-2;
13, 11;). In his apostolic exhortation Vita Consecrata (1996), John Paul II
encourages religious to recognize the different stages of life and to never
cease struggling to grow humanly and as consecrated persons, since "at no
stage of life can people feel so secure and committed that they do not need
to give careful attention to ensuring perseverance in faithfulness; just as
there is no age at which a person has completely achieved maturity" (n. 69).
15. What does it mean to be a Redemptorist when one no longer exercises the
kind of apostolate or the responsibilities held in younger days? Thanks be
to God, the response of the Congregation to this new situation does not
begin with the present letter. Many (vice)provinces already have special
policies designed to meet the physical and emotional requirements of aging
confreres. It is possible to offer an extensive bibliography of contemporary
spiritual writers, including Redemptorists, who ponder the special
challenges of discipleship in the third age. I hope that individual
confreres and (vice)provincial governments are aware of such resources and
make use of them. Perhaps this letter will serve to stimulate us to think
about the growing number of aged confreres in the Congregation, recognizing
that their needs go beyond health care and hobbies, since one does not
retire from our religious profession, the "definitive act of the whole
missionary life of Redemptorists" (Constitution 54).
16. I would like to limit the range of these reflections and not pretend to
address thoroughly what it means to grow old. First, I will pay some
attention to one feature of aging, that of loss, then see whether this
experience might also be an occasion for spiritual growth. What follows can
be expanded and enriched by you, especially the older confreres who are able
to contemplate the experiences of life with the sort of wisdom that is only
available in the third age. May the Congregation continue to learn how we
can help Redemptorists in the third age to deepen their commitment to the
Redeemer while appreciating the special way in which these confreres live
our Charism.
Being led where one does not want to go
17. Among the encounters between the disciples and their Risen Lord, one of
the most moving is that contained in the epilogue of the Gospel of John. The
narrative speaks about the appearance of Jesus on the shore of Tiberias and
contains captivating details: the mistaken identity, a miraculous catch, an
impetuous swim and a home-cooked meal. The account continues with the triple
profession of love by Peter and his commission by the Lord for a life of
apostolic charity.
Then Jesus speaks of how that life will end up giving glory to God:
In all truth I tell you,
When you were young
You put on your own belt
And walked where you liked;
But when you grow old
You will stretch out your hands,
And somebody else will put a belt round you
And take you where you would rather not go. (Jn. 21,18)
When I meditate on this scene, I try to imagine how Jesus conveyed these
last words to Peter. I imagine the Lord looking his friend in the eyes while
speaking to him with tenderness and calm assurance. The Father has a plan
for Peter: it will not be easy but his life will have meaning and value.
Peter is commissioned for a life of pastoral charity, but what will "glorify
God", in fact, will be his death. And the final words of Jesus to Peter (Jn
21, 19, repeated in verse 22) are the same as the first words spoken to him
in the Gospels (i.e.: Mk 1, 17): Follow me.
18. There are many qualities unique to the stage of life we are considering
in this reflection. I wonder whether the prophetic description of the old
age of Peter, but when you grow old you will stretch out your hands, and
somebody else will put a belt round you and take you where you would rather
not go, might not speak eloquently to us of an essential characteristic of
this stage of life's journey? The metaphor of being bound and led where one
would not choose to go seems a most apt description of the unavoidable
experience of loss that accompanies people into the third age.
Loss in the Third Age
19. It is easy to recognize the reality of loss in the particular suffering
that is endured by some confreres, for whom aging has meant the onset of
debilitating illness, confinement to bed and utter dependence on others. But
isn't it true that for every man, whatever the stage of his health, aging
brings a procession of losses? Even in the case of the most vigorous
elderly, there is a deepening awareness of the transitory nature of things.
Time appears to speed up and days, weeks and years seem to fly by,
practically without one being aware of their swift passage. There is the
haunting sensation that something is ending and we speak of the "evening" or
"autumn" of life. The journey is taking us to where we would rather not go.
For, before we face the final dissolution that is death itself, there are
many lesser deaths that mark our pilgrim way.
20. Life in the third age means confronting loss, which comes in many shades
and forms. There is the physical diminishment caused by aging, which brings
discomfort, even dreadful suffering. There can be a deterioration of our
mental capabilities and dementia. The death of our closest friends in the
Congregation and relatives may leave us feeling more and more alone. The
loss experienced in aging is not limited to body, mind or human
relationships. It also touches our self-understanding as Redemptorist
missionaries, inviting us forcefully to rethink what our religious
profession means in the latter stages of life. Our Founder surely struggled
with this reality.
The experience of Alphonsus
21. If you have ever visited the town of Scala, the birthplace of our
Congregation, you have probably paused to pray in the chapel that now
shelters the grotto of Alphonsus. Here was an oasis for our Father during
the tumultuous weeks and months that followed the momentous event of
November 9. 1732. Alphonsus would come to this little cave and spend hours
in prayer: pondering the first, tenuous steps of his Congregation, mourning
the departure of practically all his companions, seeking strength from God
and His Blessed Mother. Today the visitor sees a simple wooden plaque
nestling in a corner of the grotto itself. On it are inscribed words
credited to Alphonsus by Tannoia, his first biographer: "O my grotto, O my
grotto: O that I might (again) delight in this my grotto" (II, 97). These
words are attributed to an elderly Alphonsus, who dreams of returning to
that "mystical cell, from which he emerged inebriated by the love of God and
by an unreserved passion for the salvation of Souls" (TANNOIA, ibid.).
22. I suggest that Alphonsus is not simply longing for a particular place to
pray. He is mourning the passing of the thirty-eight year old man who prayed
in that cave. Perhaps, to the mind's eye of the elderly Alphonsus,
everything seemed much clearer in his little grotto. Back then, he had a
better idea of who he was and what he was meant to do. Forty years later,
after stepping down from his diocese and returning to Pagani, Alphonsus must
rediscover what it means to be a Redemptorist. He could not anchor his
identity in preaching missions - he hadn't preached one in more than twenty
years. Nor could he expect to regain the final word among his brethren.
Andrea Villani, the vicar general, had been governing the Congregation
during the long absence of its Founder and did not relinquish this task when
Alphonsus returned from Sant'Agata dei Goti. It is true that Alphonsus would
continue to write and, certainly, would have his way in some matters, such
as his categorical rejection of the ornate bedchamber that had been prepared
for him, taking instead one of the unadorned rooms at Pagani. But, having a
room like everyone else would not be enough: Alphonsus would have to
rediscover what it means for him to be a Redemptorist in his own third age,
especially, what it means to be a brother among his brothers in community.
23. Most of us have found - or will discover - our own "grotto". More than a
place, this "grotto" is the memory of one's own self at a time of life when
one felt most alive, most missionary, most engaged with the projects of
life. Seeing that stage of our life recede irretrievably into the past and
knowing that it can never be recreated can cause the sort of bittersweet
emotion that Alphonsus felt for his own "grotto". This loss is part of being
human and needs to be mourned. What seems to be an obstacle to growth in the
spiritual life, however, is the inability or the unwillingness to accept the
losses that accompany aging, especially the diminishment that is felt when
one no longer does the same apostolic work or carries the same
responsibilities within the province.
24. All masters of spirituality insist that self-knowledge is an
indispensable foundation on which a life with God is built and grows. The
great enemy of spirituality, then, is denial, that is, a self-deluding
refusal to accept myself and my circumstances. In the case of the aging
Redemptorist, denial might tempt him to try to regain his "grotto" or cling
stubbornly to what he believes were his halcyon days. Such denial is
difficult or impossible to sustain, but there are confreres who resist all
attempts to reduce their apostolic activity, even when it is clear that they
no longer have the energy or the formation to continue it. At times a
superior must take the difficult decision of removing a confrere from a
ministry that exceeds his capabilities. Or, it may happen that, after
leaving apostolates that have occupied them for most of their lives,
confreres become obsessive about their own physical health, appointments
with their doctors, television or any number of distractions. Unconsciously
they may develop a real envy of young people, often manifested by a
malignant joy in pointing out the defects and defeats of younger confreres.
The fact that some confreres of advanced age become tyrants in the community
is less a result of the aging process itself and more attributable to their
failure to accept this new stage of the pilgrimage and find a healthy
spirituality as elderly Redemptorists.
25. As the pilgrimage of life progresses, we are increasingly aware of being
led where we would not choose to go. Diminished physical and mental health,
the death of friends and family and the end of involvement in apostolates
that have occupied a Redemptorist for many years are spiritual challenges
particular to the latter stage of life. How might confreres at this stage of
the pilgrimage find serenity and joy in the face of these losses?
"Counting everything else as loss"…not simply losing
26. There is a life-giving paradox in the third age. It is this: at the very
time when a Redemptorist is bound and led where he would rather not go,
instead of plunging down a steep and ever more slippery slope that ends in
death, he is invited to pursue a greater freedom. It seems to be the
experience of people who are serious about their pilgrimage towards God that
one eventually has to face up to the possessive power of attachment to
things that are in fact passing away. Alphonsus proposed that greater
spiritual freedom could be achieved by reducing the extravagant control the
circumstances of life might exercise over a person in order to become
progressively more free to love God. This dual movement - away from a
clinging attachment and towards the loving God - Alphonsus calls distacco.
It is a central value in the spiritual path Alphonsus proposes in the
Practice of the Love of Jesus Christ. Chapter 17 of that work offers a crisp
summary of this Alphonsian doctrine:
"Attachment to our own inordinate inclinations is the greatest obstacle to
true union with God. Therefore, when God intends to draw a soul to his
perfect love, he tries to detach her from all affection for created things.
Thus he may deprive her of temporal goods, of worldly pleasures, of
property, honor, friends, relations or bodily health. By means of these
losses, troubles, neglect, bereavements and infirmities he wipes out, by
degrees, all earthly attachments so that all the affections may be centered
on him alone".
27. Perhaps the mention of distacco makes you wince, reminding you of too
many conferences on the subject when you were a novice? It may be that not
all of the concrete obstacles to greater union with God faced by Alphonsus
and his Neapolitan contemporaries - the tentacles of a domineering family,
the lure of worldly honor and the siren song of riches - are, in fact, our
problems. The point Alphonsus is trying to make is that we need to examine
our lives honestly and see who or what has the ultimate claim on our heart.
For it is within our hearts that God so greatly wishes to dwell. In Chapter
11 of the Practice, Alphonsus asks, "Do you have a heart that is empty
enough for the Holy Spirit to fill?"
28. There is no escaping the fact that trying to achieve greater union with
God is not easy. Many of us are afraid of pursuing this path because we
sense that it entails some suffering. But what is the alternative? We could
try to anaesthetize ourselves: using work, prestige, relationships, alcohol,
fear or resentment to distract ourselves from the passage of time and its
consequences. But, in our sober moments, we would have to watch with terror
as life slips through our fingers and time, no longer a kairos in which God
reveals himself, becomes our enemy.
29. Try as we may, we cannot change most things that happen to us. This
truth, valid at any moment in life, seems to gain more clarity the older we
become. What is in our power to determine is how people, places and things
will affect us. Alphonsus helps us how see the losses that accompany the
third age can be invitations to abandon ourselves to the care of God,
discovering and rediscovering the depth of His faithful love for us.
A Path of Distacco
30. Paul proposes the path of distacco in his Letter to the Philippians. The
third chapter might be an excellent source of meditation for the third age.
How does Paul describe his pilgrimage towards God? He begins with a practice
common to older people: he takes stock of his life (Phil 3, 4-6). He makes
no excuses for his past but he has a new way of looking at it: "What were
once my assets I now through Christ Jesus count as losses" (v. 7). Far from
taking the safe path, Paul intends to risk everything:
"Yes, I will go further: because of the supreme advantage of knowing Christ
Jesus my Lord. I count everything else as loss. For him I have accepted the
loss of all other things, and look on them all as filth if only I can gain
Christ and be given a place in him, with the uprightness I have gained not
from the Law, but through faith in Christ, an uprightness from God, based on
faith, that I may come to know him and the power of his resurrection, and
partake of his sufferings by being molded to the pattern of his death,
striving towards the goal of resurrection from the dead" (Phil. 3, 8-12).
31. Paul is aware that he has not achieved his goal but that he is being led
in the right direction. He chooses to accept what happens to him, including
the loss of all that he thought was precious in his life, as a price in
order to gain Christ Jesus. He does not despise in principle what he loses;
he simply cannot compare anything to the inestimable value of his
relationship with Christ Jesus.
Freedom to love
32. Paul and Alphonsus teach that loss may bring greater spiritual freedom,
that is, the liberation of oneself to love more and more unreservedly. A
peculiarly Redemptorist way of loving is called by our Constitutions
"apostolic charity"; this is our share in the mission of Christ and the
unifying principle of our lives (cf. Const. 52). Apostolic charity presumes
that "the glory of God and the salvation of the world are one" and that
"love of God and love for people are the same" (Const. 53). Therefore, at
each and every stage of our pilgrimage, Redemptorists are called to "live
their union with God in the form of apostolic charity and, through
missionary charity, seek his glory". The XXII General Chapter recognized the
life-long call to apostolic charity when it recommended:
"That every member of the Congregation, regardless of age, search for ways
to be faithful to the most abandoned, and especially the poor in favor of
whom we have made an option on the day of our profession" (Orientations,
2.4).
33. Certainly, there are ministries that elderly Redemptorists can offer to
the most abandoned, especially the poor. For example, I think older
Redemptorists are very effective in bringing compassion, comfort and hope to
other elderly and sick persons. But the place where many Redemptorists of
the third age are called to practice apostolic charity is within the local
community, whose life is itself the primary form of the proclamation of the
Gospel (XXII General Chapter, Orientations, 3). I believe that there are two
unique services that elderly Redemptorists can provide in our communities.
The first type of assistance is one that Alphonsus himself sought to render.
In November of 1774, as he was preparing to return from Sant'Agata, he
wrote, "When I have returned to one of our houses, I may be useful to the
subjects, particularly the young men". Perhaps Alphonsus was thinking of
himself as a tutor for the students in homiletics or moral theology. His
biographers suggest that the example of his life in the third age left its
impact on his young confreres. An elderly Redemptorist who does not allow
himself to be overcome by the suffering or limitations of age, but keeps
alive joy, love and hope, is an invaluable mentor for the young confreres.
34. The second type of service has to do with the mundane details of our
common life. It has been observed that often in the search to do something
dramatic we miss the opportunity to do something important because the
action itself does not seem worth our attention. The elderly in our
communities can make great contributions to the quality of our common life
by performing very ordinary tasks. I recall how the generosity of an elderly
priest helped the work of all the members in a busy community. Although a
stroke had left him semi-paralyzed, each evening he would answer the
telephone while the rest of confreres were occupied with the pastoral
activity of a difficult parish. I also recall my first visit to Rome and
seeing an elderly Bernhard Häring caring for the flowers in the community's
garden. I imagine that most of you have been touched by the generosity of an
elderly confrere.
Discovering the best wine at the end (Jn. 2, 10)
35. John of the Cross reminds us that in the evening of our life we shall be
judged on love. Perhaps that is why, in the dusk of life's pilgrimage, we
are presented with losses so that we might be more free to love. It behooves
us as missionaries not to carry excessive baggage. At the end of the
pilgrimage, all that we really will need is love: to love God as He deserves
to be loved and to love each other as brothers. The love of an elderly
Redemptorist, expressed in very ordinary ways, can leave a lasting impact on
his confreres, especially the young.
36. It is love that "ages" our spirit like the action of time on fine wine.
At the end of life, love will give us mellowness and flavor, not the
smarting sting of vinegar. This type of love is never totally within our
grasp but must be the object of lifelong conversion of heart and continual
renewal of mind (Constitution 41). On November 24, 2000 Father Josef Pfab,
Superior General emeritus, finished his pilgrimage. At his funeral, a young
priest told me of his last meeting with Father Josef. It was a day or two
before he died and they were about to celebrate the Eucharist in his
hospital room. The younger priest asked him for what should they pray?
Father Josef replied, "Pray that I am converted at the hour of my death".
Paul had the same desire:
"I can only say that forgetting all that lies behind me, and straining
forward to what lies in front, I am racing towards the finishing point to
win the prize of God's heavenly call in Christ Jesus" (Phil. 3,13-14).
37. May our Mother Mary, whose prayerful presence accompanied the first
apostolic community and who did not hesitate to give herself in service of
others, help us to be faithful each day but especially when we "are
suffering and dying for the salvation of the world" (Const. 55).
Fraternally in Christ the Redeemer,
Joseph W. Tobin, C.Ss.R.
Superior General
The original text is
English.
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